Dec 31, 2013
Dec 30, 2013
Dec 23, 2013
Starting the work week with a smile
George Carlin came into my life when I was in the second grade.
He influenced the way I looked at the English language
and later my writing and career.
When he is being silly or creative with his ideas
He makes me laugh out loud
Dec 22, 2013
Dec 21, 2013
Kids helping Kids - it chokes me up every time
Steve Hartman from CBS News on the Road has covered some
touching stories. This is about a team of
middle school football players who helped a classmate and in doing so, changed
their own lives
Dec 20, 2013
Dec 19, 2013
Making a Differences Offers Us Peace & Hope
Every Day offers us the opportunity to make a difference in
someone’s life. This volunteer fire
fighter reminds us of this thought with humor and truth.
Dec 18, 2013
Dec 17, 2013
Parentfinder.com - Introducing Featured Members, Tammy & Stanley
Would you like to become a Featured Member and raise your
visibility? Click below for more information.
http://www.parentfinder.com/page/membership_matrix
Dec 16, 2013
parentfinder.com - Thoughtfulness
Kind, caring, considerate behaviors stem from
thoughtfulness; being thoughtful grows out of conscious awareness and
compassion. To be thoughtful doesn’t mean twisting and bending out of alignment
to meet others’ needs. When we are centered and balanced we are naturally thoughtful to
ourselves as well as others.
Having read the thoughts above, shift your focus. Think about your Dear Expectant Mom letter. Is there anything you would take away or add?
Having read the thoughts above, shift your focus. Think about your Dear Expectant Mom letter. Is there anything you would take away or add?
Dec 12, 2013
Watch a Teenager Bring His Class to Tears Just By Saying a Few Words
I was raised in the 60’s and 70’s and labeled as lazy and an
underachiever by teachers because of my spelling and math grades. I’m Dyslexic.
My self-esteem suffered for years.
Over time I have learned not to define myself by my limitations.
Here is an amazing story about a boy who had an even higher
mountain to climb.
Dec 11, 2013
Parentfinder.com - Tip of the Week
Click Here to listen to the song
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Dec 10, 2013
Parentfinder.com's featured family Todd & Heather
Introducing Featured Members, Todd & Heather
http://www.parentfinder.com/LovingFamilyFarm
Would you like to become a Featured Member and
raise your visibility? Click below for more information. http://www.parentfinder.com/page/membership_matrix
http://www.parentfinder.com/LovingFamilyFarm
Dec 9, 2013
Who cares what it smells like? It's what it sounds like that matters.
The human spirit, the minds behind innovation at the
simplest level, and the innocence of children all make me cry. It’s easy to admit that as a 52 year
old. 20 years ago I would never have
uttered those words. Each day I look for little nuggets to inspire, educate, or make you laugh. Today I watched this and cried at the beauty.
Dec 6, 2013
Dec 5, 2013
Adoption Profile journaling tips from Parentfinder.com
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Dec 3, 2013
Meet Joe & Ian Parentfinder.com's Featured Parents
Introducing Parentfinder.com's featured Parents Joe & Ian
Introducing Featured Members, Joe & Ian
http://www.parentfinder.com/Joe-Ian
Would you like to become a Featured Member and
raise your visibility? Click below for more information. http://www.parentfinder.com/page/membership_matrix
http://www.parentfinder.com/Joe-Ian
Dec 2, 2013
Nov 30, 2013
Thanksgiving Weekend Traditions
200,000 people flocked to downtown
Indianapolis to hear carols and light the trees on monument circle.
At the same time there were over 30,000 in the
same area watching the High School football state championship games at Lucas
Oil Stadium.
A block away 18,000 watched the Indiana Pacers play.
All of these activities are Indianapolis traditions for the Friday
after Thanksgiving. What were you
doing? Did you journal about it?
Nov 27, 2013
Parentfinder.com's Featured Family Paul & Sarah
Introducing Featured Members, Paul & Sarah
http://www.parentfinder.com/PaulandSarah
Would you like to become a Featured Member and raise your visibility? Click below for more information. http://www.parentfinder.com/page/membership_matrix
http://www.parentfinder.com/PaulandSarah
Would you like to become a Featured Member and raise your visibility? Click below for more information. http://www.parentfinder.com/page/membership_matrix
Nov 26, 2013
Birth Mom, Jenna Oleole, tells her story to Parentfinder.com
My Story
In 2010 I decided to
transfer Universities. I moved from my home state of Hawaii to Utah. I had
undergone gastric bypass 15 months earlier and was ready to enjoy the new me.
Little did I know; this move was going to change the course of my life. I was
working on improving my physical appearance and health by losing weight. I was
also about to hit rock bottom emotionally.
I was hanging out with my
best friend a lot. He was engaged at the time, but he was the only friend I had
in the area that I felt like I could explore the world of being skinny. I knew
he would not judge me if I made a few stupid mistakes. I made more than a few
stupid mistakes. The first mistake was spending way too much time with an
engaged man than is appropriate because he was not engaged to me.
His fiancé lived out of
state and he took the opportunity to cheat on her. He was taking advantage of
my emotionally vulnerable state and his fiancé not being around. I found out I
was pregnant less than two months after moving Utah. How do I keep going to a
religious educational institution that frowns upon pre-marital sex? After
talking to my religious leader we decided I could keep going to school because
I was wanted to place my baby for adoption.
The father begged me to get an abortion. He said he would pay me back for
the cost of the procedure. He was unemployed but taking off for boot camp. He
had joined the Air Force Reserve. This meant that even if he had supported me,
I would be dealing with the pregnancy mostly on my own. He did not support me.
He may have if I had not insisted that he tell his fiancé. I did not think it
was fair that they go through with the marriage knowing that I was pregnant
with his child.
After she found out about my pregnancy she turned on me. She decided I was
the one at fault. She did not think he would cheat on her or believed that he
had. Somehow the whole situation was my doing and he did not play a part in any
of it. She insisted that he never speak to me again. Apparently they were meant
for each other because he obliged. The next time I went to see him he
threatened to call the cops to have me removed from the property. I was alone.
Immediately following being kicked out of his house I decided I was placing
the baby for adoption. I wanted to finish college. I wanted the baby to have
two parents. I wanted the baby to have the opportunities I did. I was also
adopted. In fact, all of my siblings were adopted. In my mind adoption was the
only choice I had if I wanted this baby to have everything he or she needed.
I contacted a local adoption agency run by my church. They provided me with
free counseling, group support, and access to an online database with families
that were looking to adopt. This is where my journey really began. I did not
have to be alone. I had the tools to help me make it through my pregnancy and
find an adoptive family so I could go back to school and prepare myself for
eventually becoming a mother some day. I knew this child was not meant to be
mine. I was just borrowing him until it was time for him to join his adopted
family.
Nov 25, 2013
Seth Godin: How to get your ideas to spread
You have an idea. That idea is to become a parent through adoption. Creating your message (profile), sending it out, having it heard and accepted by that one expectant parent who connects with your story is your challenge.
Perhaps this TED Talk will
give you an idea of how to present you unique story. It’s 17 minutes. It's worth the entire 17 minutes. Please watch
Nov 24, 2013
Changing Your Perspective
Changing your perspective can
light a fire with your imagination. Use
this writing prompt to help with your journal entry for this week.
Describe
one time when you were brave.
Nov 22, 2013
Lights, Camera, Action!
Video is a great way to take your profile
more personal.
Expectant parents can actually meet you.
Grab your tablet, or camera,
or phone, and a friend. They will be
your tripod/camera person. Shoot 1 ½ minutes of video. Will it be a story? A trip to your favorite place? A talent like playing a musical instrument? Cooking together?Shoot it and post it. Don’t worry that it doesn’t look like a
production company shot it. It’s you and
your story that matters most. – remember no sunglasses, no addresses, no beer.Nov 21, 2013
Nov 19, 2013
Welcome Parentfinder's featured parents Daniel and Krystle
Welcome Featured Members, Daniel & Krystle
http://www.parentfinder.com/DanielAndKrystle13
Would you like to become a Featured Member and raise your visibility?
Click below for more information.
http://www.parentfinder.com/page/membership_matrix
Nov 18, 2013
I saw this story in the evening news called Six Word War.
Then I went to the website and began reading some of the six word stories.
It’s amazing how much you can learn from someone in just
six words. Follow the link,Read a few of the six word stories, then think about your profile and how much you can say by cutting words. Expectant parents are more likely to read your profile if it is short and compelling.
Nov 17, 2013
I’m 52. At my age I have the ability to look back
over time, see patterns in behavior, and learn from them. I observe which of my friends, acquaintances,
and family members were successful because they were smart, lucky, or persistent. Talent or brains doesn't guarantee success. Sometimes it's the people who stay focused and simply work harder and more consistently than others.
Here is a six minute TED talk
that speaks to that idea that many successful people are that way because of
determination. I hope it inspires you.
Nov 16, 2013
My Apple Trees
This isn’t really my stand of apple trees
I merely paid for the right To assume the responsibility
Of caring for their well being
A Maple tree is different a commitment.
Simply plant it in the right sunlight
Water it for the first few months
Mother Nature will take over and do the rest
Then every year you are reminded of her job well done
When the sky fills with little whirly birds
With each breeze that passes
Planting a Winesap is the beginning of a relationship
I followed that up with a McIntosh, Golden Delicious,
Prairie Spy, and Honey Crisp Now with a family
At times like children who require love and nurturing
Sure, I could leave them to their own devices
I could enjoy spring blooms and return in the fall with a bucket
As if I were taking a trip to some orchard expecting a bountiful harvest
However I would end up with weedy looking trees
Who bore only knotty, fruity, little red balls
Offering a hint that an apple tree could be a close relative
Worms would be thankful
Squirrel, opossums and raccoon too
My grandmother taught me
Working at the relationshipWill reward with a bounty
An abundance that will surprise and feed
Wildlife, family, friends, and neighbors
Revealing a taste that delights with every a bite
Starting with winter as the trees are sleeping
Trimming away the water sprouts and blocking branchesCreating strong laterals and sturdy leaders
I trim a while then sit in the tree, rest and think of her
A different point of view we two
From those who see it as work
As the weather warms I watch the buds swell
Then finally burst forth
Bees on the move seem to make each tree come alive
From one bloom to the next they pollinate then procreate
Birds sing in the branches then chose the perfect crook
To nest and hatch their brood
Robins returning annually to our golden
From May through early September I walk and look
When mornings cool, the leaves begin to weakenTelling all that fall is peaking around the corner
Summer’s heat fades to autumn warmth
I pick an apple checking the sugars
Wondering if they’ve changed from bitter to tart
When the juice rolls down my chin and I know
The next month our home will be sweet
With the smell of stewing apples
Cooking for sauce, pie filling and apple butter
Preserving the goodness
For another day, another generation
For this isn’t just a relationship
Between the trees and me
Neighborhood kids reach for a snack
Women stop by to pick for pie
It’s the friendly smile of my grandmother
Alive in my mindHer voice saying with certainty
You can’t buy apples with this taste
I know can’t buy a seat that gives me the view
I get from these branches when the leaves are few
I can’t pray enough to find the peace
I get from dreaming in that perch
Going back to a different time
On her farm, pruning her trees
The sound of her screen door slam
Announcing dinner in a voice seasoned by age and Kentucky drawl
I’ve made biscuits to go with the apple butter
She was right
Some trees have nuts
Others offer shade
Apple trees provide a lifestyle
Feeding, enriching, and expanding my soul
Nov 15, 2013
Go Outside of the box with your Adoption Profile
I’m sure by now you
have seen the video of Davion, the 15 year old boy in foster care.
He went before a crowded congregation at a
large church and asked to be adopted. He
wanted to live in a home with loving parents.
If you haven't seen the video, click here
The church shot the video and posted it online. The video went viral. The following week he was invited to appear
on Good Morning America and The View. Within
a week his adoption caseworker had fielded over 10,000 inquiries from adults
who wanted to know more about him.
Think about your Adoption Outreach Program. If you have completed a home study you are most likely creating you profile. Don't be afraid to think outside of the
box. What is the most unique way you can
think of to gain visibility without compromising your personal information? Look at all of the profiles out there. Do you want to be like them or do you want to stand apart in a good way?If you haven't seen the video, click here
Nov 14, 2013
Talent Donation Creates a Better Society
A TED conference is where the world's
leading thinkers and doers gather to share ideas worth spreading. You can find TED talks via Google on most any
topic. Some are given by scientists,
some, are professors, and others are people like you and I who had an idea,
acted on it, and it made their little corner of the world a better place.
I’m
a fan. So many of these talks are inspiring or informative and who can’t use a
little inspiration? In my Google plus
account, I have set an alert set to email me every time TEDx is mentioned in a
story. This story came up – For me it highlights
of charitable giving. It reminds me of
the saying, “You get what you give.”
http://www.koreatimes.co.kr/www/news/people/2013/11/178_146061.htmlNov 13, 2013
Parentfinder.com's Tip of The Week
Click below to join Parentfinder.com We'll help you build a personality driven profile for print, online, and ebook. Then we'll help you distribute it.
http://www.parentfinder.com/page/membership_matrix
http://www.parentfinder.com/page/membership_matrix
Nov 12, 2013
Welcome Parentfinder’s Featured Members, Bradley & Erica
To view Bradley & Erica's online profile click here
http:// www.parentfinder.com/BradleyErica
http:// www.parentfinder.com/BradleyErica
Would you like to become a Featured Member and raise your
visibility?
Nov 11, 2013
Open Adoption - Similar to A Marriage by Jessalynn Bills Speight
Having an open adoption is a difficult relationship to
navigate. All parties involved *generally* are nervous they are going to step
on each other’s toes... especially at the beginning of the relationship. When I
first started my relationship with my birth daughter's adoptive family I was so
nervous. I didn’t want to come off crazy or too needy. They were nervous too.
They were scared to say the wrong thing or to come off stalker-esque. For the
first few months of our relationship we spoke only through a third party,
except for a few emails here and there
My main concern was I wanted the adoptive family to know
that I knew I was making the right choice, however hard that may be for me. I
was scared to share my feelings on my grieving process because I didn’t want
them to think I was going to take her and run. I was embarrassed when I cried
the first time I saw her after placement. I could see it was hard for her
adoptive mom to see me cry. Once I realized the reason it was hard for her to
see, was because she felt bad for me, and almost guilty of the pain I was
feeling, I saw her empathy and our relationship started growing.
I often refer to an open adoption as being similar to a
marriage. First you are in the “getting to know you” phase. You hesitate before
you talk because you don’t want to say the wrong thing. Then you enter the
“dating” phase where you are still somewhat careful about how you act or what
you say, but you start to loosen up and share your feelings and thoughts on a
deeper level. Once that relationship progresses into the “marriage” phase after
placement, you become more and more comfortable. Now almost five years later I
know I can talk to them about anything. I talk to them about things I wouldn’t
even mention to my parents. If I am having a hard time and want to pull back on
contact for a bit, I tell them. If I am having a hard day and would love a
picture, I ask for one. They feel comfortable telling me their parenting
mishaps. They know I am not going to judge them or hate them when they tell me
little miss found some scissors and applied them to her beautiful hair.
A good open adoption takes boundaries, respect, and honesty.
Honesty being the most important.
The birthmom must know when too much is too much. Showing up
on their doorstep at 4 am demanding to see the baby…not healthy. Commanding the
adoptive couple to send a text 3 times a day with pictures or stories...not
fair.
The adoptive couple should become comfortable in asking how
the level of contact is doing for them. It is important however, that the
adoptive couple also know that just because the birthmom placed with them does
not mean they have to dedicate their whole life to answering the birthmom’s
every beck and call. The main responsibility is to make sure the child is well
cared for. They also need to make sure that their emotional pain from
infertility is not the cause of them pulling back on contact.
When I created my open adoption plan we decided that we
would re-evaluate our plan as needed. I took comfort in the fact that knowing,
if my birthdaughter chose to cut off contact, I would still have contact with
her parents to know how she is doing. She is not forced into continuing contact
with me. A good open adoption will be set up that way, centered on the child.
Re-evaluation is absolutely necessary. People change, their needs change.
Everyone in the adoption triad needs to see that and realize it. Just as a marriage, there are going to be ups
and downs. There will most probably be disagreements. There will be happy times. There will be sad times. Someone may get
offended. Just like a marriage, you take it as it comes and figure it out as
you go. In the end you love each other and want things to work in the best way
possible.
- Jessalynn Bills Speight
To read more of Jessalynn's thoughts on adoption visit her blog at
Birth Mothers 4 Adoption
Nov 5, 2013
Parentfinder's Featured Parents Heather & Tre
Welcome Featured Members, Heather & Tre
Would you like to become a Featured Member and raise your visibility? Click below for more information.
http://www.parentfinder.com/page/membership_matrix
Oct 29, 2013
5 Things To Do While You Wait
There is no time limit or guarantee on the waiting time when you're adopting a baby. I have never adopted a child nor do I pretend to understand the emotions that come with the journey. However, I have spoken with hundreds of adoptive parents who felt like after their home study and profile were complete their adoption process came to a halt and the waiting game began.
5 things you can do while you wait, that will help educate and inspire you!
Join Adoption Forums:
Parentfinder.com has a Forum section for our Members. You can communicate with other adoptive parents and expectant parents. It's a great way to get support from parents who are experiencing the same emotions as you. It's also a great way to communicate with those who have been there. Your Membership with Parentfinder.com gives you access to our Forums. There are also other adoption related forums available on the web.
Read:
Knowledge is power! The more you can educate yourself on the adoption process the more confident you will be in making decisions like open vs. closed placements. Start by following some adoption blogs or subscribe to some eMagazines. Here in Utah, our local library displays Adoption related books and information for the whole month of November. Visit your local library to see if they do the same. If not, be an advocate to get an Adoption Display present in your library to help everyone become more educated.
Attend Webinars or Local Support Groups:
As a birth mom I know one thing that has really helped me, is hearing other people talk about their adoption story. I wish, there had been more access to these stories before I placed. Many times you can attend free webinars put on by birth mothers or other adoptive parents. We just completed our Throw Out Your Dear Birth Parent Letter Webinar, where I spent 30 minutes giving advice on what I believe you should include in your letter. Most webinars are advertised on Social Media sites or adoption Forums.
Talk with your Agency to see if they have a weekly support group for adoptive parents. Many times they will have birth mothers visit these support groups to share their experience and give advice.
Clean House:
I mean this in a literal way and a spiritual way. Make room for a new member of your family by clearing out items you no longer need or use and donate them. Organize your space to eliminate clutter and stress. Prepare your home for positivity and light. Surround yourself with uplifting memories, quotes and photos. Let go of the past and create a new space that will help lift you up.
Advocate:
Start your own adoption blog or Facebook page. Share what you're learning with others and be an advocate for adoptive parents. This will also drive traffic to your online Parentfinder.com profile and raise your visibility to expectant parents. Volunteer at your Agency, local Adoption Fundraisers or Adoption related non-profits.
Again, I don't pretend to understand what the waiting game is like. Try my five tips to help educate yourself. I promise they will help you feel more prepared for when that day comes and you are matched!
Oct 22, 2013
Welcome Featured Members~
Oct 15, 2013
Welcome Featured Members~
Opening a Door
After speaking to many adoptive couples, I've noticed that many view the creation of their profile as a task, another item they need to mark off their long list of To Do's in the adoption process. I can see why it would be considered as such.
I don't claim to understand what adoptive parents go through nor do I relate to the struggles that they have faced. However, I do know we need to change the way we look at Adoptive Parents Profiles and the thought process that goes into creating them. Whether this stems from the Agency they are with or the stressful journey that brought them to this point ... the adoption profile is still the only window expectant parents have for looking into an adoptive parent’s life. It should be viewed as a vital link connecting adoptive parents with the baby they've been waiting for.
Having been an expectant parent myself, the Adoptive Parent Profile is the only slice of life I had to go on. I used that to make my decision. One of the biggest decisions in my life and in my baby’s future. I think that sentence alone is enough to reconsider thinking of this Profile as a task and considering it as opening a door.
What I mean by that... when you invite a family member or a friend to your home, they knock on your door and you open it. Right? Ok, maybe not all family members. :) But, you get where I'm coming from. As soon as that person walks enters, do you quickly start stating all the facts and list of To Do's that you are going to accomplish while they are in your home? Or when they leave do you mark their visit off on your list?
No.
You welcome them in, you ask them how they are. You carry a conversation that is genuine, and you give them your undivided attention. I'm sure you are enjoying their company and the time that you are spending together.
Now... what if you were opening your door to an expectant parent? Would you ask them in? When they left, would you think to put a checkmark by your task to meet an expectant parent and move on to the next task?
No!
Your Profile is opening the door to the knock of an expectant parent.
When they first see you (in your fabulous profile photo) their next step will be to knock, in this case, read more into your Profile. They want to hear and see the real you... all the things that make you uniquely you. If you can create your Profile like you are opening your door to a friend, they will feel welcomed. Isn’t that the point of writing this letter in the first place?
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